"Words of Wisdom"
– Lois Davies, Margo Mariana, and Rod Orth 
September 24, 2006

Experience is our best teacher, and over time, our life lessons accumulate and become part of who we are. Come hear Lois Davies, Margo Mariana, and Rod Orth share some of the wisdom they have acquired through the years. (The following is a transcription of Lois Davies' portion of the service.)

When Gwen asked me to speak on “Words of Wisdom,” I immediately thought of something a friend said to me years ago which I have never forgotten. I had been toying with the idea of starting my own accounting practice but had so many doubts, could I do it, should I, how difficult would it be and was I too old to even think of it. One night we were having dinner with our friends Beth and Charles when I brought up the subject. I remember saying, “I’m 56 years old; that’s pretty old to be starting a new venture.” Charles just looked at me and said, “You’ll never do it any younger.” He was so right. I knew that I could think and debate another six months and I’d be six months older and still undecided. So I forged ahead, quit my job, rented an office, contacted potential clients and in my own small way was fairly successful, but best of all I did something I really wanted to do and enjoyed every bit of it.

Since then I don’t think I’ve ever said I was too old to do something. I’m sure I am much too old to take up wind surfing or NASCAR driving but rather I feel I could try most anything. I just prefer not to. Maybe I’m fooling myself but I find that a very liberating feeling. I’m not too old to try. I just don’t want to.

Then there’s the old saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” I think that’s a lot of nonsense. I think we have to know when it’s time to give up and stop going after success when it eludes us. I know I have wasted a lot of time and effort trying to succeed at something for which I had no talent or interest. One such endeavor was gardening. I enjoy beautiful gardens and I know people get a great deal of pleasure from growing things. It must be a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I greatly admire Joan’s and Barbara’s green thumbs but try as I might I just can’t grow one. I have spent years puttering in yards wherever we lived, read gardening books and taken many classes on gardening. It took me a long time, but I finally realized I just don’t like grubbing in the dirt and being at the beck and call of Mother Nature. I don’t want Mother Nature telling me when to water, when to plant, when to prune and so forth. I want to do things when I want to do them so now I have a few sad plants in pots on my patio and they get watered when the spirit moves me or when they look particularly thirsty. I’ve finally learned that I don’t have to succeed and I don’t have to attempt something just because it seems the thing to do and other people enjoy it.

Then there’s music, another area where I haven’t succeeded, and this will probably surprise or shock you. At an early age I was told I was tone deaf. I couldn’t carry a tune, couldn’t tell one note from another and was the despair of my grade school music teacher but somehow I struggled through our music lessons. Since then I have learned a lot about being tone deaf. A truly tone deaf person simply cannot distinguish notes. Music can even sound like noise to them. Of course, some contemporary music may be nothing more than noise. I’m not quite that bad. Hey, I’m enjoying you guys. I do have a good sense of rhythm and almost all vocal music appeals to me. I think our Summit Singers are great. I love Elaine and Richard. It’s lyrics, like poetry, that speak to me. Even opera is okay because it tells a story. It’s orchestral music, symphonies, that evoke no emotion and give me no pleasure. In fact, I find some classical music annoying. Again, I’ve wasted a lot of time listening to music and going to concerts and frankly being bored. I may be missing a lot and you may feel sorry for me but that’s just the way it is. I’ve learned that I simply cannot succeed in appreciating all music. Now I can happily have silence at home and graciously refuse invitations to concerts without feeling guilty. But, Lisa, I shall probably attend the concert you’re arranging. There is an upside to this. You may sing off key all you wish, and I’ll never know.

On the other hand, there may be occasions when you simply have to keep trying until you succeed. This happened to me in high school. I went to a very demanding school and one requirement was passing a swimming test. It wasn’t easy. As I recall, we had to do a standing and a sitting dive, swim four laps, demonstrating four different strokes, bob ten times and float and tread water. Well, for four years I spent part of every PE class having swimming lessons, but somehow it never took. So there I was, in my last semester as a senior, straight A average, a member of the national honor society but I wasn’t going to graduate unless I passed that swimming test. That’s when I buckled down and really went to work. I wasn’t sure I could do it, but one day I informed our coach I was ready to take the test. To this day I don’t know how I did it but somehow I passed, or perhaps our teacher took pity on me. So there may be a few times in life when you do have to try again and again.

Another old saying with which I disagree is, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” I’m very sure we all enjoy many activities which we don’t do very well. One for me was tennis. From the swimming story you can tell I’m completely uncoordinated and a real klutz at sports but I did like tennis. I was a dreadful player but could always find a partner who was nearly as bad as I was or at least would put up with me. So I say do whatever satisfies you whether you do it well or not. I know I do.

My final area of disagreement is with the Golden Rule. I think it should read “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.”  I finally learned this with my second husband the first time he had a bad cold and was spending the day in bed. When I don’t feel well, I want to be pampered and fussed over so this is how I was treating him. I’d pop in every fifteen minutes or so to see how he was and did he want anything, only to be greeted by grumbles and growls. I finally realized he wanted to be left alone. Then when I caught cold and stayed in bed David would disappear for hours, puttering in his work shop or yard, completely ignoring me. I was convinced I could die and he’d never notice or care. We sort of solved this when I managed to leave him alone and he gave me a bell to ring if I wanted something. So I say compromise is great.

So, as Belle always says, we’re all different, and that’s pretty wonderful. Let’s respect those differences and think about how the other person would like to be treated.

I’m going to add one wise word: After my five- or six-week bout with Shingles, please take my advice and get the vaccine for Shingles that is just now becoming available. Believe me, you don’t want this.

--Lois Davies
September 24, 2006