Summit Coming of Age Service

June 5, 2005

Karen Hagberg:

Good morning and welcome. Today we are privileged to celebrate the completion of our first ever Coming of Age program here at Summit. The program itself is designed to lead our youth into an exploration and search and discovery of their own beliefs, of their spirituality, or at least to start them on their continued journey; as we all know, it continues through our adulthood. The Coming of Age program has really been in the planning for several years. Stacey Scott gathered a lot of information, it started then, but Ned and I and Diane Slagle, who was not able to join us today, spent the summer planning the Coming of Age program, picking it apart and fitting it to our Summit group. We started it this year, we’re so happy we started it. We have a group of wonderful kids—youth-- six of them involved. Deena Tuttle joined us later as our leader for the mentor program, and we were happy to get some wonderful mentors to work with our children. So we hope to have this program continue at Summit. We’re trying to plan it to run every other year- we think it’s a real value and I want to say I’m really proud of you guys and the mentors for completing this program and doing such a great job. Thanks.

Rev. Ned Wight:

We’ve had a year of some pretty diverse experiences: we began the year kayaking on Mission Bay- I don’t know how many of you have kayaked on Mission Bay. I recommend it highly- it was much easier than it looked, although you wouldn’t have known it the next day! There were eight sessions with Reverend Ned: looking at what others believe and what we believe, and I appreciate the patience and forbearance and persistence of the youth in putting up with me for those sessions. We’ve had wonderful exercise afternoons with mentors to clarify our values, to eat lots of chocolate and pizza. We’ve had some individual time with adult mentors and you’ll hear a little bit about that. We’ve had movie nights, we had a delightful pool party at Leslie Robard’s, we had a challenging time writing up some credo statements and planning today’s service. We’ve been asking big questions about life. About the meaning of our life. About death. About what happens after we die, and there are some exhibits on the wall back there- during your coffee time you can take a look at those. And we’ve been struggling toward putting together some answers. We built our own mini-community within this larger Summit community. We discovered, I think, that we know more than we think we know, and that what we think and what we believe matters- matters not only to us but matters to other people, people in this community. People who care about us. We’ve also learned that we have skills and abilities that we didn’t know we had. And that’s not a bad kind of discovery to make.

I invite now Mark Wheeler and Alix Hart, and Daniel Bernstein to come to the podium and Mark and Alix will do a little introduction, Daniel will offer his credo statement and then his parents, Laurel and Sandy will come up. Ben, you can come up too if you want, as his brother, since I know that from being the little brother in my family that I taught my brother a whole lot about life! So, let’s invite our first mentor trio to come forward.

Mark Wheeler:

Before we celebrate Daniel, Alix and I would like very much to thank the whole Bernstein family, Sandy, Laurel, Daniel and Ben, for welcoming us into their home and their life and for sharing their sacred space at a time of loss and grief as they saw the passing of Daniel’s grandmother on Sandy’s side. We’re very grateful for your openness.

Alix Hart:

Mark and I have always wanted to come of age! We wondered when it might happen, and when we heard about the Coming of Age program, we saw a great opportunity. And Daniel was very helpful in this regard. I admire Daniel. I learned from him. I feel honored that he was interested in spending time with me and honored to have made a new friend. I would like to celebrate here Daniel’s trustworthiness and generosity. I am a small business owner, my computer is crucial to my business success, and I am computer-phobic. This spring I made the decision to switch from PC to Mac, and Daniel generously offered to help me make the transition. He set up the system, he did it well, and helped me to understand the new system. I never once doubted his ability. The system is working, I’m back in business, and I’m very, very grateful.

Mark Wheeler:

Daniel and I climbed a terrifyingly tall tower together. We played soccer, he introduced me to some new death metal and goth rock, and we spent quite a bit of time eating and talking. The character traits I wish to celebrate here are Daniel’s honesty and his capacity for joy. With Daniel there is no BS. He speaks his mind, he doesn’t claim to know what he doesn’t know, and he thinks about what he says. Socrates would be proud. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Daniel dressed in anything other than black-- it’s a special occasion today—which might suggest a morbid disposition. And he likes death metal, and he is a serious person. But when he’s telling a joke or talking about something he likes to do, his eyes light up and he flashes a smile. And if he happens to be standing or walking he might actually skip. I can think of few moments during the past months that have made me as joyful as when he shines like this. I’m glad to know that we will continue our friendship in the future.

Daniel Bernstein:

Thank you. All right, this is my credo. I believe that humans must remember that everything is connected in order to live successfully. Humans must also live as a part of the earth rather than a force that’s out to destroy it. I believe that humans need to not always think that the unknown is dangerous or evil just because they don’t understand it, but they need to be open to change, and that’s the only way that they’ll be able to grow, if they’re open to change.

Laurel Bernstein:

We’d like to start by thanking everybody involved in this program: the kids, the mentors, the organizers, Ned, the other parents, everybody. We couldn’t wish for a better group of people for Daniel to be involved with. I’m not sure what Daniel would say he’s gotten out of the program, and we know better than to speak for Daniel at this point! We’ve seen him get involved in new ways at Summit this year. I think some of that comes from the confidence of knowing that there are people out there besides his parents who really care about him, and they appreciate him. I think one aspect of feeling part of a community is feeling that you have something to contribute. And we watched these kids- they sold drinks at the Cobblestone concert and they helped set up at the Canvass breakfast, they waited on tables. I think it’s likely that many of them wouldn’t have come to those events if they hadn’t had a job assigned to them. But they were there, they pitched in, and they were part of the team. I hope that they stay part of the team. I think- where’s Rex? – I think that Daniel might not have stepped up and troubleshooted- troubleshot?-- Rex’s computer if he hadn’t felt like a valued part of the community. And of course we all benefit from that. So what I hope is that these connections will be strengthened and not lost. We have so much to gain from these kids- they’re so energetic, they’re so smart- they know so much stuff! And we have so much to give them, and they have so much to give to us. So I hope we can keep it up.

Sandy Bernstein:

I just wanted to reiterate our thanks, particularly to Mark and Alix for their mentorship, and to say how proud we are of Daniel. Coming of age is celebrated differently in different lands and in different religions. In the Jewish religion it is similar to the bar mitzvah. Daniel is thirteen and I know his grandma would be very happy today.

Rev. Ned:

I invite Mark Bryning and Kevin Hagberg, and why don’t Merle and Karen come up here too at the same time.

Mark Bryning:

OK, I’m not very much on public speaking so this is going to be a stretch for me. When I was asked to speak about Kevin, I really didn’t prepare a formal presentation but I did take a few notes. One of the things I would ask you is, what do you see when you look at Kevin? What do you think when you look at Kevin? A young man with long hair? That is what I first saw. But I’ve been honored to be chosen by Kevin to do that and I’m thankful for that privilege, for his trust in me. So now when I see Kevin I see someone with a lot of potential. I see a productive member of our society, someone who can live according to the principles of our faith, who volunteers, who gives back to Summit. You’ve seen him doing the sound, you’ve seen him up here reading to the children- he’s contributing to us. I see a respectful young man with graciousness and courtesy, he’s charitable. I see a brave young man who is cautious but he did climb that tower with the rest of us and we had a great time. I see a sensitive and compassionate young man. He’s responsible and thoughtful, he’s shy and quiet but I see a good heart. I see a Unitarian.

Kevin Hagberg:

OK, here’s my credo, it’s just what I threw together. I believe I can be summed up as a bubble; fragile, yet strong. Although it is fragile it is willing to become attached to other bubbles until it pops. It adds beauty and shimmering lights of its creativity until its end.

Merle Hagberg:

I want to thank Mark, I know he’s probably helped out where I couldn’t, you know? A son only listens to a father when he wants to! But wasn’t it a couple of weeks ago we just changed his diapers? I don’t know, what happened to the time? But now he’s grown up to a young man, and I’m proud of him.

Karen Hagberg:

I want to thank everyone involved too. This has been a really good program for the kids- we purposely picked mentors who weren’t parents so they could really get to know that there are other adults out there who care for them, and I think that the Summit community is a community of caring people, and our children are feeling very welcome here and know that they have others that will look after them in the future. And to Kevin I want to say "Namaste" (bows to Kevin), I honor the good in you and the person and the wisdom that you are, and when the good in you and the person and the wisdom of you flows through me, and together we’re one, I am more honored. So Kevin, Namaste.

Rev. Ned:

Diane Slagle couldn’t be here today because she is at a program about one of the Russian girls that she’s considering adopting or having a long-term relationship with, and her brother Mark has stepped in to take her place and we’re grateful for that. So, Mark and Gabe and Deena.

Mark Buckles:

Diane certainly would have been here if she could, but she emailed me a statement to read:

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be here today to participate in this ceremony honoring our wonderful Coming of Age youth, and particularly to recognize a great young guy I’ve had the opportunity to mentor over recent months, Gabe Tuttle. Over this time we’ve had the chance to spend some real quality time together. We’ve enjoyed swinging on the swing set at the park near my house while discussing religion, we’ve enjoyed an evening constitutional during which we focused mostly on the largely unappreciated virtues of rats as pets, we spent quality time at the local Rubio’s commiserating about schoolwork over fish tacos, we participated in Coming of Age events where we got to examine our underlying moral frameworks while arguing over hypothetical stories regarding broken glasses and river crossings. We’ve even had a good time together driving around in the car talking about nothing in particular. We’ve done some memorable things together during these past months; Gabe has introduced me to the wonders of home aquariums and guided me blindfolded through a mock minefield. It’s been a pleasure to watch him paddle a kayak around Mission Bay and climb the tower of doom in La Jolla. And Gabe was very supportive of my efforts at bowling, humorous as they must have been, since I haven’t stepped foot in a bowling alley in several decades! That was a definite case of the mentee mentoring the mentor.

We’ve shared some good times together and I’ve come to know Gabe better and better as a kind, funny, lively, smart, thoughtful, sociable young man. I’ve watched him pick out a gift for his mom, Deena, something he knew she’d like, just out of the blue to lift her spirits. And I saw the effort he put into figuring out just the perfect birthday gift for Deena’s sweetie and my brother, Mark. I’ve observed how much Gabe is aware of other people’s feelings, of their likes and dislikes, and how he really likes to do things for them that he knows will bring them pleasure. He has a good heart. He is a good youngster and I know he’s going to be a good, good man.

Another part of my pleasure in getting to know Gabe has been just watching him interact with other CoA participants, like Kevin Hagberg. I like their young male energy, watching kung fu movies and engaging in play spinning back-kick battles. I was proud to see Gabe and Nick Highfill (Perea) work together to figure out a challenge course obstacle together. They really put their heads together and they had fun doing it, and they helped the whole group make progress. I’ve felt many things in getting to know Gabe- pleasure, pride, amusement and also true gratitude. More than once he’s gone out of his way to help me out, setting up booths at street fairs to sell my ecologically friendly cloth grocery bags. He’s been a great help to me and I’ve seen the early flickers of real entrepreneurial spirit in him. The way he had ideas for doing something better and the times he spoke up to convince a wavering customer of the virtues of our product. I had no trouble at all imagining him as a very successful adult. Of course I don’t know what the future holds for Gabe in terms of education, or work or personal achievements, or love or friends or family, but I’m grateful and very glad that I got to be here to share a part of his youth. I love you, Gabe.

Mark: And I’d like to say for myself that I’m very proud of you and I love you.

Gabe Tuttle:

Well, I’m not going to read my credo but I am going to say what I enjoyed about some of the CoA activities that we did. I really liked the kayaking at Mission Bay, was it? And the ropes course, those were both really fun and I recommend those to the future CoA groups to come.

Deena Tuttle:

I just want to thank everyone connected with the program- Rev. Ned, Karen Hagberg, Diane Slagle, for helping to form it, and all our wonderful mentors and mentees, thank you everyone. And Gabe, I’m very proud of you, honey.

Rev Ned :

We invite Marissa and Julia to come forward…

(Performance of "Where Do the Children Play" by Cat Stevens; Marissa Henry, guitar and vocals; Julia Shu, cello)

Leslie Robard:

We should have called this service the closing of the generation gap! We all had an amazing time in these activities, sharing ideas and food. But I was the lucky one who was privileged to spend time one-on-one with Marissa Henry, who is a very special young lady. At the onset of the program, I hoped we’d find some common ground, a starting place from which to communicate. I never had to worry. On our first outing I learned that Marissa was reading "Catch-22," a novel I re-read every five years or so because I miss Yossarian, the main character. We laughed together about the inane antics of the military and I knew we would be fast friends. As a matter of fact, there were so many things, so many interests we had in common. We both knit, we both swim laps, we play the piano and we have an undying love for Johnny Depp! Marissa has a poise that I find unusual for one so young, and I give credit for that to her gracious parents, Ed and Connie, and the good genes they transmitted to her. She seems willing to try almost anything musically, which especially endears her to me. She plays the piano, the organ, the guitar, and sings in Summit Singers. My grandson Anthony and I enjoyed going to a local coffeehouse to hear Marissa and Julia Shu perform, as you heard them do today. Marissa did the vocals and the arrangements too. She admitted to me before the performance that she was terrified, but she went on nevertheless, and the act was very mature and well received, and I was proud of both of them, as I’m sure you all are today. Marissa is a grounded, sensible young girl, and I know her confidence will grow as she becomes aware of her impact on others. I only hope she remains an unspoiled renaissance woman, and my friend.

Marissa Henry:

Thanks. OK, this is my credo. I believe in myself. I believe in the power of music, of love, and of chocolate chip cookies, to change the world. I believe that there is and is not a higher power, and that it has a thousand true names, and none at all. I believe that no one can know any of the answers for certain, at least for now. I believe that anyone who wants to can be a prophet- if they have enough charisma, of course. I believe that beauty and miracles and life and God are yours for the finding, in the infinitely big, the infinitely small and the infinitely ordinary. I would like to end with a quote from Jack Johnson, one of my favorite musicians, that I feel captures my religious philosophy:

It all happened so much faster than you can say disaster

want to take a time lapse and look at it backwards

Find the last word, and maybe that’s just the answer that we’re after

But after all, we’re just a bubble in a boiling pot

just one breath in a chain of thought

We’re moments just combusting, we feel certain but we’ll never never know

It sure seems the same, give it a different name

We’re begging and we’re needing, and we’re trying and we’re breathing

Never knowing

We’re shocking and we’re nothing

We’re just moments, we’re clever but we’re clueless, we’re just human
Amusing, confusing, but the truth is, all we got is questions, we’ll never know.

Connie Henry:

I just want to thank everyone who has been involved in the program, obviously it’s been really good for everybody, and I especially want to thank Leslie Robard for the lifelong friendship I feel she and Marissa have formed with each other. And I was wondering, since they have come of age now, does this mean they can sign up to do coffee?(laughter)

Ed Henry:

I’d like to thank Ned and Karen for their initiative in starting this program, I think it’s a valuable asset to Summit Fellowship. We’re grateful for Marissa and we wish her the best.

Rev Ned:

Mark Weedman, Nick Perea, Casey Franco.

Mark Weedman:

Most of my interactions with Nick over the previous months really boiled down to a shared and passionate interest in music. We’ve had a lot of great discussions on directions in electronica and other interesting directions musically. One of the highlights though, for me, was the opportunity to go to the Odetta concert at San Diego State, that was a real treat, and last Saturday’s drum workshop was really a blast, in part because of everyone that participated, but I really admired Nick’s initiative at one point, to stand up and, Mark, help me out with the name of the drum, the dunun? Dunun. And I wasn’t here last Sunday but I understand that Nick did a bang-up job. The other thing I just want to say is (and once again this morning’s t-shirt prompted another discussion on music) I just want to say, don’t be fooled by the "Nuns with Guns," "Rage Against the Machine" t-shirt. Behind the shirt is a warm heart and a fascinating mind. So I just want to finish by saying Nick, I want to acknowledge you no longer as a child but as a young adult in the Summit community.

Nick Perea:

Lets see. Oh here it is. I don’t know if I want to do my credo or not, since now that I read about it, it doesn’t sound as good as I thought at the time (laughter). But I’ll read it anyway. I believe in hope. Hope is the meaning of life. Hope is the past, present and future. Everyone hopes in the world. I am hoping that hope will be known for more than just a word. We are all known for hope. For we are hope, hope for different things is still hope (I said hope a lot!).

Casey Franco:

I’m glad this podium is here so I don’t fall over. I was sitting out there in all my nervousness and anticipation about having to get up here in front of all this sea of at least a thousand faces (laughter), and then I was watching these young people get up here and perform and sing and speak, and speak from their heart. And I was thinking, why am I so nervous, they are out there and they’re putting it all out there, and I am just so impressed with all of these young people. Mark was right about Nick, don’t let this fool you, because behind here is a fascinating mind, and I have had the honor of watching him come of age. Thank you.

Rev. Ned: Pat Summers, Julia Shu, Mary Ellen and Jack Shu.

Pat Summers:

The past few months have given me the opportunity to get a glimpse of a very special young lady that is Julia Shu. Julia turned fourteen on May 23rd. She is going from junior high to Helix High school, from glasses to contact lenses, from performing cello at Summit to performing with Marissa Henry at Cosmos coffee shop in La Mesa. I felt honored and a little apprehensive at the responsibility when Mary Ellen approached me about being Julia’s mentor. However, it has offered me the opportunity to appreciate more fully and deeply the intelligent, thoughtful, and talented person that is Julia. Our one-to-one conversations, group meetings, movies, group adventure, have offered times for us to interact in different situations. One incident keeps recurring with me, and that was a sense of absolute trust when Julia was directing me, as I was blindfolded, through a simulated mine field at the challenge course at UCSD. Her directions were clear and confident, and I did not doubt for one minute that I was going to be OK. I consider Julia a part of a gift from the Shu family. Her sister Christina, now at Stanford, was my Summit "secret pal" about seven years ago. Mary Ellen’s dad, Edwin, and Jack, led our tour group to China in October, and Hal and I recently attended Teddy’s band and orchestra concert at Helix High School. Teddy will be starting at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo in the fall. And Julia’s godfather, Rick, is an occasional houseguest when he is in town. Thank you, Shu family, for enriching our lives, and Hal and I look forward to four more years of high school with Julia! Thank you.

Julia Shu:

This is my credo. I think that no one has a lock on the truth, and that no one really knows the truth. I think that the most you can wish for is to get through each day gracefully without making too much of a mess of things. And of course, you’ll be sad and disappointed sometimes, just try not to stay that way for too long, because life is too big to waste time being sad and disappointed. And you just keep living each day until you are out of days. And if you have lived not only with grace but also with fierceness and compassion, and with dignity, then that number of days will be enough and you will die loving and loved.

Jack Shu:

I also want to thank Karen and Ned for initiating this program, I think it’s been great, and thank you, Pat, for being such a great mentor. I have kind of a quick message for Julia, you know sometimes it can seem like it’s a curse, being the youngest of three, and sometimes even more of a curse if both of your older siblings do quite well in school and in the community, and have grown up to be great individuals. But I think the message for Julia: you are a great individual, and we’re very proud of all that you have become; particularly in the last few years, you’ve been really a great gift to us as parents.

Mary Ellen Shu:

Julia, from childhood you have grown into a young woman with a critical, inquiring mind. You say that you have not yet found all of the answers; well, not many of us have. But in the end, it’s the journey itself that’s more important. So, what we as your parents hope for most of all, is that as you continue on your spiritual exploration, you will always have wise and caring guides like Ned and Pat to help you on your way, and best friends like Marissa to laugh with, to play music with, confide in, and share experiences. We hope that you will come to know people of faith who will inspire you, like your grandparents, who have lived their Christian ideals in service to others. And we hope that you will always keep your mind and heart open to the beauty and truth found in all spiritual traditions.

Now the ears of my ears awake, and now the eyes of my eyes are opened.

We love you, Julia.

Rev. Ned:

This morning has been a very rich offering of so much of the hearts and souls of these people behind me and their parents. We come now to that mundane but nonetheless powerful way in which we offer support for this community of love which has made this day possible. So we invite you to access the wellsprings of generosity as the Summit Singers provide some music by Ysaye Barnwell, "We Are."